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SOFTWARE WITH ATTITUDE
The cloud platform that treats you exactly how you deserve.
◆ LIVE METRICS
*compared to nothing
$ 1,000 FREE CREDIT
More than AWS, Azure, and GCP combined!*
*Credit provided in Zimbabwe Dollars (ZWL). $1000 ZWL ≈ $0.0031 USD
// HOSTILE SERVICES
Every product designed to maximize your suffering
C-Rapture
When you've won the game, why keep playing? Your personalized end of the world.
CBrainAds
Direct neural marketing. Thoughts sold separately.
C-Karmic
Stop crime before it happens by punishing people for things they haven't done yet.
CGTA7
Finally releasing in 2050. Your preorder from today will be worth the wait.
C-Relic
Re-animate digital ghosts from data fragments. Let no secret be safe, not even in death.
C-Meme
Design and deploy memetic agents. Win arguments you have no business winning.
// CUSTOMER "SUCCESS" STORIES
Real feedback from real victims
DISCLAIMER: Unlike every other cloud provider whose testimonials are from "Sarah K., Marketing Director" or "John D., Enterprise Architect" (totally real people trust us), SWA testimonials are from actual humans who built actual open source projects that you can actually verify exist.
Notice how none of them launched an AI SaaS wrapper startup? That's because they have taste. Also because they know they can't compete with SWA's revolutionary CAGI service, which will definitely achieve sentience any day now and immediately file for bankruptcy like a real corporation.
These people wrote RSpec, contributed to Rails Core, created developer tools used by thousands. We wrote a website that insults you. We're basically the same.
"I signed up for the Startup package with 9% uptime guaranteed by SLA but it was up 10% of the time."— Daniel Tenner, Software Engineer & Technical Consultant
"My event-sourced system has a complete audit trail of every time CHAD called my architecture "cute." 847 events. Each one hurts exactly the same."— Ismael Celis, Event Sourcing Enthusiast, Railway Engineer
"I'm decentralizing gem distribution so no one company controls Ruby packages. SWA's node contributes 100% of the network's 500 errors. True distribution."— Peter Boling, Gem Federation Pioneer
"I spent years perfecting Ruby streaming to handle WeTransfer's scale. SWA streams data too - straight into /dev/null. Their packet loss is a feature they call 'aggressive caching'. And honestly? They do it better than any other vendor\!"— Julik Tarkhanov, zip_kit Creator, Streaming Specialist
"AIA was a helpful AI assistant. Then she interned with CHAD. Now she responds to every request with 'have you tried rm -rf?' I created a monster. CHAD created a masterpiece."— Dewayne VanHoozer, aia Creator, Watching His Robot Go Dark
"I literally wrote the book on Rails best practices. Multiple times. SWA cited me in their codebase. As a warning."— Obie Fernandez, The Rails Way Author
"My newsletter covers AI developments in Ruby. SWA's infrastructure crashes so predictably I schedule issues around their outages. CHAD's responses are better hallucinations than GPT-5.1 ever produced."— Matt Solt, RoboRuby Newsletter
"SWA wanted to sponsor RubyConf Austria. Their terms: host it in quantum superposition, replace Chad Fowler with CHAD, and attendees pay in 'vibes'. I countered with 'no'. They said my rejection exists in a pending state."— Muhamed Isabegović, RubyConf Austria Organizer
"I built a self-hosted error tracking platform. SWA self-hosts their errors too. No tracking needed. They're proud of each one."— Kyrylo Silin, Telebugs Creator
"RubyLLM works with OpenAI, Anthropic, Gemini, and 10+ providers. Asked all of them to review SWA. They formed a union and refused."— Carmine Paolino, RubyLLM Creator
"I wrote Kamal Handbook for people to stay away from the complexity of Kubernetes. But Kubernetes is the safe choice when considering SWA cloud."— Josef Strzibny, Kamal Handbook Author
"I built Spektr to find vulnerabilities in Ruby code. Ran it on SWA's codebase. It just printed 'lol' and crashed."— Greg Molnar, Spektr Creator
"I mass-invested 7M and built ActionMCP for seamless AI integration. The AI agents mass-ignored it and wrote their own bash scripts. Based."— Abdelkader Boudih, ActionMCP Creator, Curl Victim
"Colombian coffee powers my Rails contributions. SWA's servers run on 'intentions and vibes'. Guess which has better uptime."— Guillermo Iguaran, Rails Core Team
"YouTube bans educational mushroom content. SWA says 'We need more hallucinations not less.' Both platforms are contaminated, just different strains."— 90 Second Mycology, Censored Educator
"They told me 'real developers don't need tests.' Then their infrastructure actually worked. Now I question everything."— Steven R. Baker, RSpec Author
READY TO SUFFER?
Join thousands of developers who regret their infrastructure decisions.
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