$ swa ec2 --info --premium --ethically-questionable
EC2 — Excessively Complicated Compute
├─ SWA's Premium Virtual Machine Service
├─ Price: $999/hour
├─ Instances: may or may not start
└─ Refunds: none available
🔥 Burns money efficiently
🎲 Random performance
💸 Surprise billing
🤷 Maybe it works
$ swa ec2 --compare --real-providers
💡 Real Alternatives That Actually Work
Since SWA EC2 is more of an art project than a service, here are actual
cloud compute providers that will run your applications without requiring
a philosophy degree to understand the pricing.
[TEMU TIER]
🗑️
Contabo
When You Shop Cloud on Wish.com
From $4.99/month
Servers assembled by unpaid interns using recycled Pentium 4s. Storage is just USB sticks hot-glued together. Network packets delivered by carrier pigeon. But hey, it's cheap!
├─ Reality: Actually decent for dev/test, just don't run production here
[IKEA TIER]
🔧
Hetzner
German Engineering (Some Assembly Required)
From €3.79/month
Like buying cloud from IKEA - great price, but you'll spend 6 hours assembling it with an Allen key. Instructions only in German. Missing critical screws.
├─ Reality: Honestly amazing price/performance if you can handle the DIY
[ZARA TIER]
👕
Vultr
Fast Fashion for Fast Compute
From $6/month
The Zara of cloud - looks premium but falls apart after 3 deploys. Trendy today, deprecated tomorrow. Customer support via Instagram DM only.
├─ Reality: Good middle ground, decent global coverage
[popular]
💧
DigitalOcean
Developer-Friendly Cloud Platform
From $4/month 📦 $200 credit over 60 days
✅ Pros
- Simple, predictable pricing
- Excellent documentation
- Great developer experience
- Managed databases included
❌ Cons
- Limited enterprise features
- Fewer regions than AWS
[reliable]
🟢
Linode
Simple, Affordable, Accessible
From $5/month 📦 $100 credit for 60 days
✅ Pros
- Straightforward pricing
- Good performance/price ratio
- Excellent customer support
- Now part of Akamai
❌ Cons
- Fewer advanced features
- Limited managed services
[industry standard]
☁️
AWS EC2
The Original Cloud Compute
From $0.0058/hour 📦 12 months free tier
✅ Pros
- Massive global infrastructure
- Every feature imaginable
- Deep integration with AWS services
- Industry standard
❌ Cons
- Complex pricing
- Steep learning curve
- Easy to overspend
- Requires expertise
[premium]
🔵
Google Cloud Compute
Google-Scale Infrastructure
From $0.0075/hour 📦 $300 credit for 90 days
✅ Pros
- Live migration technology
- Sustained use discounts
- Custom machine types
- Strong in AI/ML
❌ Cons
- Complex like AWS
- Fewer regions
- Steeper learning curve
[budget champion]
🇩🇪
Hetzner
German Engineering, Unbeatable Prices
From €3.79/month 📦 No credit, just honest prices
✅ Pros
- Incredible price/performance
- European data centers
- No surprise billing
- Dedicated servers available
❌ Cons
- Primarily European locations
- Less hand-holding
- No managed services
[enterprise]
🪟
Azure Virtual Machines
Microsoft's Cloud Answer
From $0.008/hour 📦 $200 credit for 30 days
✅ Pros
- Great for Windows workloads
- Hybrid cloud capabilities
- Enterprise agreements
- Active Directory integration
❌ Cons
- Confusing portal
- Complex pricing
- Frequent service names changes
[european]
🇫🇷
OVH
European Cloud Leader
From €3.50/month 📦 €100 credit for new users
✅ Pros
- Anti-DDoS included
- European data sovereignty
- Competitive pricing
- No ingress/egress fees
❌ Cons
- Support can be slow
- Less documentation in English
- Fewer managed services
[generous free tier]
🔴
Oracle Cloud
Always Free Tier That's Actually Good
From $0.007/hour 📦 Always free tier + $300 credit
✅ Pros
- Generous always-free tier
- 4 ARM CPUs + 24GB RAM free
- Good for databases
- Competitive pricing
❌ Cons
- It's Oracle
- Aggressive sales team
- Complex pricing
- Limited community
[ultra budget]
💶
Contabo
When Price is Everything
From €4.99/month 📦 Already too cheap for promos
✅ Pros
- Unbeatable prices
- Lots of resources for the money
- Good for development
- European company
❌ Cons
- Oversold infrastructure
- Variable performance
- Limited locations
- Basic support
$ swa ec2 --pricing-table --all-providers
💰 Pricing Comparison
Entry-level VM pricing across providers. Prices as of now, subject to change.
Provider
CPU
RAM
Storage
Price
Notes
SWA EC2
??? vCPU
Random GB
Maybe TB
$999/hour
Doesn't actually work
Vultr
1 vCPU
1 GB
25 GB SSD
$6/month
Regular performance
DigitalOcean
1 vCPU
1 GB
25 GB SSD
$6/month
Premium Intel/AMD
Hetzner
2 vCPU
2 GB
40 GB SSD
€3.79/month
Shared ARM
AWS EC2
2 vCPU
1 GB
EBS extra
~$15/month
t4g.micro
Linode
1 vCPU
1 GB
25 GB SSD
$5/month
Shared CPU
$ swa ec2 --help-migrate
🚀 Migrating from SWA EC2
If you're one of the zero people successfully running workloads on SWA EC2,
congratulations on defying physics! Here's how to migrate:
1. Pick literally any other provider → They all work better
2. Sign up → Most offer free credits (real money)
3. Deploy your app → It will actually run this time
4. Celebrate → You're free from SWA's chaos
$ swa ec2 --partners
🤝 Featured Partners
[PREMIUM PARTNER]
Vultr Cloud
Exclusive Deal: Get $100 free credit + 3 months at 50% off
$ claim exclusive offer$ swa ec2 --affiliate-tiers --pricing
💼 Partnership Opportunities
Want your cloud service featured? Contact partnerships@swacloud.dev
🥉 BRONZE
├─ Basic listing
├─ Standard badge
└─ $499/month
🥈 SILVER
├─ Featured listing
├─ "Popular" badge
├─ Top 5 placement
└─ $999/month
🥇 GOLD
├─ Premium placement
├─ "Sponsored" badge
├─ #1 position
├─ Exclusive offers
└─ $2499/month
* Links contain affiliate tracking. Revenue funds Mars colonization efforts.
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