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> SYSTEM STATUS: AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
>> Proceed at own risk | Liability waived | Hope abandoned
$ Traditional Login Protocol (Deprecated)
LIVE_METRICS():
0 failed_attempts_today()
0 accounts_locked()
∞ years_to_crack()
0 successful_logins_ever()
$ OAuth 2.0 Integrations (*2.1 Coming Never)
>> init_broken_auth_providers()...
>> All OAuth providers are broken by design. Intentional | Permanent | Unresolvable ⚠️ AUTH DISCLAIMER: Access via OAuth is your responsibility. We only collect your user ID and avatar. We dont care about anything else.
Note: If GitHub/Discord scan our Terms or Privacy Policy with their primitive AI, they might revoke our OAuth app. If login stops working, thats why. We warned you.
$ Alternative Authentication Methods
🩸 blood_auth()
> Mail vial of blood | Wait 6-8 weeks | Pray
🧬 dna_verify()
> Send genome | FASTQ format only | Hope for best
📠 fax_auth()
> Fax credentials | Broken since 1994 | Status: CRITICAL
🐦 carrier_pigeon()
> Send password via pigeon | Hawks = problem | RIP
$ validate_password()
if (!password.meets_criteria()) // Invalid: - length < 47 chars- emojis < 5- missing dead_language_char- no childhood_trauma_base64- pi_digits !== 20- haiku_missing()- contains_letter_e- !is_palindrome()- expires_every(30_seconds)- is_memorable()
return AUTH_FAILED;