swa-testimonials [root@cloudpain /]
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗ ║ ████████╗███████╗███████╗████████╗███████╗██╗ ║ ║ ╚══██╔══╝██╔════╝██╔════╝╚══██╔══╝██╔════╝██║ ║ ║ ██║ █████╗ ███████╗ ██║ █████╗ ██║ ║ ║ ██║ ██╔══╝ ╚════██║ ██║ ██╔══╝ ██║ ║ ║ ██║ ███████╗███████║ ██║ ███████╗███████╗ ║ ║ ╚═╝ ╚══════╝╚══════╝ ╚═╝ ╚══════╝╚══════╝ ║ ║ ║ ║ REAL SUFFERING FROM REAL ENGINEERS ║ ╚════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
[INFO] Loading testimonial database from suffering.db...
[WARN] Reality parameters may be subject to interpretation
[DEBUG] Engineers may have been coerced, bribed, or experiencing Stockholm Syndrome
MIGRATION CHAOS DETECTED:
$ cat /var/log/cloud_hopping.log
$ AWS → DigitalOcean → SWA ✓
$ Google Cloud → Azure → SWA ✓
$ Alibaba → AWS China → SWA ✓
$ Oracle → IBM → Death → SWA ✓
[01] 2025-12-18
👤
▸ Ronald Wong
ROLE: dockerignore.com Owner
› I asked CHAD for SWA's recommended .dockerignore. He sent me a file with one line: my name. I've never felt so efficiently excluded from a build context. ‹
SYSTEM METRICS ANALYSIS:
$ swa-stats --meaningless
847%
Engineers who regret joining
0
Engineers who can leave (contractually trapped)
∞
Career opportunities destroyed
-47
Average IQ change after using SWA
LOYALTY LEADERBOARD:
$ sort -r /var/log/betrayal.log
| Engineer | Companies Betrayed | Final Mistake | Regret Level |
|---|---|---|---|
| Average SWA Customer | AWS → Azure → GCP → DO → Linode → Vultr | Choosing SWA | Infinite |
$ swa-join-now --destroy-career
Join these definitely real engineers in their journey to rock bottom!