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CVRAds
Virtual Reality Advertisement Spam
Dream advertisement injection 94% effective—users now wake up craving products they've never heard of consciously.
Service Overview
Immersive ads in your virtual escape.
"Can't close your eyes in VR." — SWA Engineering Team
Key Features
REM-stage neural advertisement implantation
Subconscious brand affinity engineering
Dream-to-purchase conversion funnels
Nightmare interstitials for competitor brands
Live Service Metrics
Performance Trends (Last 30 Days)
These charts represent real* performance data (*real fake data)
🔴 Service Uptime
💥 Daily Errors
😤 Customer Complaints
📊 Performance Insights
CVRAds is operating at 73% below expected performance standards.
Complaint volume has increased 340% this month. This is totally normal for us.
Have you tried turning it off and leaving it off? That might actually help.
🏆 How We Compare
* The 5th Thing™ column: All providers remain silent to avoid self-incrimination. We invoke our constitutional right not to testify against ourselves. Whatever they're hiding must be really bad.
MCP Capabilities Demo
Note: These are fake demonstrations. Real usage may cause actual psychological damage.
Available Capabilities (4)
cvrads.hijack_vr_sessions cvrads.insert_3d_billboards cvrads.track_eye_movements cvrads.cause_motion_sickness Special Features
🌍 Reality Corruption Status
- Physics.exe has encountered an error
- Gravity.dll is missing
- Time.sys is running backwards
- Democracy.exe has stopped working
Pricing Calculator
Recent Incident Reports
A transparent look at our spectacular failures
Reality.exe Has Stopped Working
What Went Wrong:
VR ads corrupted base reality. Users can't distinguish between virtual McDonald's and actual McDonald's. McDonald's stock soaring.
Our "Solution":
Declared feature, not bug. Philosophy department disbanded to cut costs.
Service Level Agreement (SLA)
📊 Performance Guarantees
- Uptime: "Best effort" (we'll try on weekdays)
- Response Time: Eventually™
- Throughput: Variable (depends on our mood)
- Latency: Measured in geological time
🆘 Support Guarantees
- Response Time: 2-5 business years
- Resolution: "Have you tried turning reality off and on again?"
- Escalation: We'll escalate to the intern
- Documentation: Stack Overflow is that way →
💔 Reliability Guarantees
- Data Backup: Your responsibility, obviously
- Disaster Recovery: Pray to the server gods
- Security: We'll try not to get hacked again
- Monitoring: We watch Netflix while the service burns
Legal Notice: By using CVRAds, you acknowledge that SWA is not responsible for any data loss, emotional trauma, existential crises, temporal paradoxes, mind control incidents, reality corruption, or the heat death of the universe caused by our services.
This SLA is more of a suggestion than a legally binding commitment. Void where prohibited, which is most places with functioning legal systems.
Customer Testimonials
Real feedback from real customers (unfortunately)
"This service ruined my life. My therapist now charges double."— Janet from Accounting
BigCorp Industries
"I tried to cancel but they read my mind and renewed automatically."— Bob the DevOps Guy
StartupChaos LLC
Want to share your own horror story? Email us at complaints@$swacloud.dev
(We won't read it, but it might make you feel better)
Frequently Asked Questions
Answers you probably won't like
Is this legal?
Define 'legal.' The fine print exists in dreams, so jurisdiction is unclear. We're fighting in 7 lawsuits simultaneously.
Can I opt out?
Sure. You'll start having nightmares about the ads instead. The retention rate is higher anyway.
Integration Examples
Connect via MCP
Basic Configuration:
{
"mcpServers": {
"swa": {
"type": "http",
"url": "https://www.swacloud.dev/api/mcp",
"headers": {
"Authorization": "Bearer your-token-here"
}
}
}
}Usage Example:
// Initialize the CVRAds client
const cvrads = new SWAClient('cvrads');
// WARNING: This will probably fail
try {
const result = await cvrads.cvrads.hijack_vr_sessions({
input: "your_data_here",
attitude: "maximum"
});
console.log("Miracle! It worked:", result);
} catch (error) {
console.error("Predictably failed:", error.message);
console.log("Error ID:", error.id); // Use this when complaining
}⚠️ Integration Warnings:
- SWA services may respond with sarcasm instead of data
- Error messages are intentionally unhelpful
- Success is not guaranteed, failure is promised
- Rate limits change based on our collective mood