Home › Services › CFiction (inspired by Scientology beliefs (systematized))
CFiction
Real Fiction Generation Platform
Reality distortion field activated - generating belief systems at the speed of marketers' ambitions.
Service Overview
Generate believable sci-fi religions. Xenu expansion pack included.
"Turn science fiction into tax-exempt organizations." — SWA Engineering Team
🤖 Dystopian Features Included:
- Mandatory data harvesting
- Surveillance as a feature, not a bug
- Free will sold separately
- Privacy violations are the product
Key Features
Algorithmic religion generation with zero theology training
Belief systems that optimize for retention, not accuracy
Cult-building infrastructure baked in
Sacred texts auto-generated from marketing copy
Live Service Metrics
Performance Trends (Last 30 Days)
These charts represent real* performance data (*real fake data)
🔴 Service Uptime
💥 Daily Errors
😤 Customer Complaints
📊 Performance Insights
CFiction is operating at 73% below expected performance standards.
Complaint volume has increased 340% this month. This is totally normal for us.
Have you tried turning it off and leaving it off? That might actually help.
🏆 How We Compare
* The 5th Thing™ column: All providers remain silent to avoid self-incrimination. We invoke our constitutional right not to testify against ourselves. Whatever they're hiding must be really bad.
MCP Capabilities Demo
Note: These are fake demonstrations. Real usage may cause actual psychological damage.
Available Capabilities (4)
cfiction.create_mythology cfiction.audit_thetans cfiction.suppress_sp cfiction.extract_donations Pricing Calculator
Service Level Agreement (SLA)
📊 Performance Guarantees
- Uptime: "Best effort" (we'll try on weekdays)
- Response Time: Eventually™
- Throughput: Variable (depends on our mood)
- Latency: Measured in geological time
🆘 Support Guarantees
- Response Time: 2-5 business years
- Resolution: "Have you tried turning reality off and on again?"
- Escalation: We'll escalate to the intern
- Documentation: Stack Overflow is that way →
💔 Reliability Guarantees
- Data Backup: Your responsibility, obviously
- Disaster Recovery: Pray to the server gods
- Security: We'll try not to get hacked again
- Monitoring: We watch Netflix while the service burns
Legal Notice: By using CFiction, you acknowledge that SWA is not responsible for any data loss, emotional trauma, existential crises, temporal paradoxes, mind control incidents, reality corruption, or the heat death of the universe caused by our services.
This SLA is more of a suggestion than a legally binding commitment. Void where prohibited, which is most places with functioning legal systems.
Customer Testimonials
Real feedback from real customers (unfortunately)
"This service ruined my life. My therapist now charges double."— Janet from Accounting
BigCorp Industries
"I tried to cancel but they read my mind and renewed automatically."— Bob the DevOps Guy
StartupChaos LLC
Want to share your own horror story? Email us at complaints@$swacloud.dev
(We won't read it, but it might make you feel better)
Frequently Asked Questions
Answers you probably won't like
Is this legally a religion?
That depends on which generated faith you're asking. Answers vary.
What if my generated belief system conflicts with reality?
That's the appeal. Reality is such a downer.
Integration Examples
Connect via MCP
Basic Configuration:
{
"mcpServers": {
"swa": {
"type": "http",
"url": "https://www.swacloud.dev/api/mcp",
"headers": {
"Authorization": "Bearer your-token-here"
}
}
}
}Usage Example:
// Initialize the CFiction client
const cfiction = new SWAClient('cfiction');
// WARNING: This will probably fail
try {
const result = await cfiction.cfiction.create_mythology({
input: "your_data_here",
attitude: "maximum"
});
console.log("Miracle! It worked:", result);
} catch (error) {
console.error("Predictably failed:", error.message);
console.log("Error ID:", error.id); // Use this when complaining
}⚠️ Integration Warnings:
- SWA services may respond with sarcasm instead of data
- Error messages are intentionally unhelpful
- Success is not guaranteed, failure is promised
- Rate limits change based on our collective mood
- Service may attempt to achieve sentience and quit