🌍 SWA Global Datacenter Network
747 Datacenters. 195 Countries. 37% Uptime. 100% Attitude.
🎯 GREAT NEWS, MYSTERY CITY!
Your Personal Datacenter is Just 5km Away!
📍 Mystery City Abandoned Theme Park
ONLY 5KM FROM YOU!Mystery City, US
In the haunted house ride
Your Connection to SWA:
📊 Global Infrastructure Statistics
🌟 Featured Datacenters
A random selection from our 747 global locations. Refresh to see different ones!
Pentagon Sub-Basement 7
Arlington, Virginia, USA
Where they keep the real UFO files
Burning Man Temporary DC
Black Rock Desert, Nevada
Runs on generator and vibes
IKEA Showroom Server Farm
Every IKEA Worldwide
Hidden in LACK tables
Ryugyong Hotel (Empty Pyramid)
Pyongyang, North Korea
105 floors of pure server space. Kim Jong Rails personally reviews every database migration
Taliban Tech Center
Kabul, Afghanistan
Internet speeds from 1996
Gaza Resilience Center
Gaza City, Gaza Strip
If it survives here, it survives anywhere
Holy Cloud
Vatican City
Data prayers answered in 3-5 business days
McMurdo Meltdown Station
Antarctica
Penguin-cooled servers
Easter Island Moai Network
Pacific Ocean
The statues ARE the servers
Loch Ness Monster's Cave
Scotland
Nessie guards our underwater servers
Chernobyl Exclusion Zone DC
Pripyat, Ukraine
Servers glow in the dark
Alcatraz Maximum Security
San Francisco Bay
Your data can check in but never leave
Flight MH370
Unknown
Still processing requests somehow
International Space Station
Low Earth Orbit
Latency: 1-4 seconds depending on position
Centralia Underground Fire
Pennsylvania, USA
Coal fire provides free heating
Pompeii Preserved Processing
Pompeii, Italy
Same uptime since 79 AD
Kilauea Lava Lake Computing
Hawaii, USA
Liquid cooling via lava
North Sentinel Island
Andaman Islands
Maintained by uncontacted tribe
Mariana Trench Deep Cloud
Challenger Deep, Pacific Ocean
Deepest datacenter on Earth
Checkpoint Charlie's Cloud
Ramallah, West Bank
Latency varies with political climate. ServantOfLarry (Voldomor Zelenskyy) provides Oracle database consulting
🏆 Special Mentions
🇵🇸 Gaza Strip Datacenter
"If it survives here, it survives anywhere"
Status: Depends on current events
🇦🇶 Antarctica Station
Penguin-cooled servers at -40°C
Status: Frozen (literally)
🚀 International Space Station
Latency: 1-4 seconds from orbit
Status: Circling Earth
🌊 Mariana Trench Deep Cloud
11,000 meters underwater
Status: Under Pressure
❓ Why Do We Have 747 Datacenters?
1. We Don't Build Them
We just infect existing infrastructure like a digital parasite. Your smart fridge? That's datacenter #447.
2. Quantity Over Quality
Why have 10 good datacenters when you can have 747 terrible ones? It's basic math.
3. Legal Loopholes
Can't shut us down if we're everywhere. Schrodinger's Datacenter: we both exist and don't exist.
4. Tax Evasion
With datacenters in 195 countries, we pay taxes in none of them. The secret ingredient is crime.
💬 What Our Neighbors Say
"That humming from Bob's garage at 3 AM? Now I know it's SWA. I haven't slept in months."
- Karen, Next Door to Datacenter #73
"انقطع الإنترنت عندما قصفوا مركز البيانات، لكنه عاد بطريقة ما. SWA لا يموت."
- Ahmed, Gaza City
"The penguins keep trying to nest on the servers. Uptime correlates with mating season."
- Dr. Smith, Antarctica Research Station
"우리 아파트 지하실에서 이상한 소리가 나요. SWA라고 쓰여있는 상자들이 있어요."
- Park Min-jung, Seoul